Garmon The Musician’s Most Grand Adventure

The main thing that motivates me to make music is the fact that I am able to show people up by becoming more accomplished than them. It’s an extremely vain and selfish attempt at proving myself but I feel it’s the only way. Maybe I’m just saying that. Because I do really love to play music. I love to sing. I LIKE to write. But at times it feels like I’m only following my dream of being a musician because I have nothing else I want to do. When I told my friend that I wanted to do music he simply said "C’mon man, don’t take the easy way out." Sometimes I feel like he’s right. That I shouldn’t just rely on that to drive me to live. Because that’s what I’m doing. Right now I am sitting here in my room just thinking about the future. Ten years from now, what the fuck will I be doing? And will I like it? Will I become one of those hopeless boyfriend who begs his girlfriend to stay by affirming that the band will ‘make it’? I honestly don’t see myself doing that. But I know if I get a day job, eventually I’m going to kill myself. Eventually when it drives me off a cliff.

What is there in this world but to grow old and die? What pleasures can we experience in a normal life apart from sex and materialistic purchases. The world is made up of aesthetic pleasures. We buy things we don’t need. And yet we find we have to have them. This is a ramble. I don’t know anymore. Damn me! 

I’ve always believed in superstition. And tonight I crossed paths with a black cat. I had once before and I researched it and apparently it says that if a black cat walks towards you it’s considered to be good luck but it’s bad luck if it walks away. Well tonight the fat black cat that I encountered walked away from me. Very obviously walked away almost as if it walked away in a straight line on purpose. It even hissed at me twice. So I guess we’ll see over the course of a few weeks whether bad things happen to me or not. If nothing happens I guess I won’t have to believe in superstition anymore. And if it does…well I better start looking for four leaf clovers.

A couple of days ago someone was talking about flies and how they only have 24 hours to live. Had a look on the internet and apparently it’s actually on average 22-25 days from egg to death. In that time that they’re alive I wonder what they think about or if they are intelligent enough to think about anything. I know that if I had 25 days to live I wouldn’t know what the fuck I’d want to do. You don’t really know yourself in 25 days. If from today a prophet told me I had 25 days to live I would probably at first not believe him. But I wonder…what would I do. What could I do? Would I go out with a bang? And would I change the life I lead now? Would I start to go crazy with clubbing, drinking, fucking and smoking? Or would I live my life out like I always do now. Doing nothing? 

I was speaking to Henry today as we compared our lives and how much different we’ve become. I suppose we were both unimpressed by each other. We works and plays Modern Warfare 2 most of his time. And I try to write music and stay home most of the time. Maybe we’re just boring people. I should maybe do a social experiment and choose 25 people at random ( I think that’s the max on a Facebook note ) and ask them what they do for most of their time just to make a comparison. But then I don’t think I really care about them. Sometimes it annoys me when I look at my life for what it is. A big nothingness. My life is like an unwinding roll of toilet paper. The more I look behind the more shitty it is. And I can’t see anything ahead. I lol @ you Garmon. 

I exhibit all the symptoms. I get tongue-tied and I make everything awkward. I want to say something cool and impressive but I can’t find anything to say. A thousand words to choose from but all I manage to do is to nod and say ‘yeah…’ My body stops reacting asking my brain what to do but even my brain is baffled. She’s the water to my electricity. The notes to my songs. The sunshine on my rainy day. The flower that sprouts out from the weeds. She is strange and her theories make no sense. She is artistic and bright. She is crazy and throws silly tantrums. She…is not mine. 

Thirsty Merc 

Love Isn’t Real.
Love isn’t real. It’s a mashup of opportunistic feelings, social constructions, and the biological need of reproduction. If you watch closely, it happens over and over again, and you can join anytime you want, just learn to play to game and get better every day.

Love Is Real.
It was fate. I’ve been in so many bad relationships. I just completely ignored relationships for a while-& love found me. So I actually didn’t do anything. It just happened and it was meant to happen. You just have to wait and one day it’ll happen. 

http://www.43things.com/person/ginchan

Sleep/Rest 
Sleep, go out for a walk, watch people in the streets, get some fresh air, play some sport. Seriously, tired body and tired mind is like a barrier for your inspiration stream. Staying awake till 4am, trying to make that design, then sleeping for 3 hrs and getting back to your desk will not make it. Also make sure you drink enough water every day.

"If they give you ruled paper, write the other way" - Juan Ramon Jimenez

 

1. Your dream is unrealistic. What’s unrealistic is trying to live your life working at a job you don’t love doing something you hate for the rest of your life while regretting trying to live your dream.

2. You’re screwed if it doesn’t work out. No, you’re not. In fact, the worst possible scenario is that you go back to what you would be doing if you hadn’t pursued your dream. That’s the worst possible scenario.

3. You weren’t cut out for that. Who’s to say that? If you don’t fit the stereotype for your dream then you’re the one to break the mold. You will stand out.

4. You can follow your dream someday. Someday will never come. Follow your dream today.

5. Only a few people “make it.” That’s because they lack the drive, determination, and will that you have. You’re one of the few.

6. You should just be safe and get a job. In fact, a job is even more dangerous than pursuing your dream. Not only do you feel terrible doing something you don’t want to do, but with two simple words your livelihood can change. “You’re fired.” When you’re pursuing your dream, you’re the only one that can stop you.

7. That’s impossible. Yes it’s impossible. For them. Not for you though, because you can dream and make it real.

8. You would have to go through so much work to do that. Yeah, but you’re willing to do it. You know what you want and you know what you have to do to get there. To you it’s not work, it’s what you want to do with your life.

9. You don’t need a backup plan. Yes, you do. Even if it’s just for supplemental income, use your talent or perfect your dream by doing something that may not be the exact same, but is related. It’s always better to be good at two things than one.

10. It’s a one in a million chance. No, actually, it’s probably less. But it doesn’t matter to you, because you know you’re going to do it. That’s what really matters.

11. Bad things will happen. Failures are just steps towards success. Any successful entrepreneur will tell you that. If you can’t handle failure, then success is going to be very difficult to achieve.

12. You won’t be able to live off that. If you can do it and find an avenue that will pay you for it, then yes you can live off of your dream. Even people who can fit into a box found an market for their talent that people would pay them to perform.

13. You’re going to be the next “BLANK.” No, you’re not. You’re going to be the next YOU. Don’t follow the mold, be different. Be yourself.

14. That’s a lot of pressure. Of course there is; it’s your life. That doesn’t matter to you though because you’re willing to take it on and make it your own.

15. You have to do this, this, and this, to do that. Wrong. Follow what you believe and find your own way to achieve your dream. Studying those who have succeeded in the same field helps, but copying won’t get you anywhere. 

Joe Hisaishi - Sunday
Bloc Party - Sunday 
And it’s Sunday today. It’s funny almost.

Last night before I fell asleep I had the most strangest feeling. This feeling was that the next morning I would have no memory of who or where I was and no memory about anything that I did or have done. The old Garmon would be buried deep deep in my brain or maybe his whole existence had been knocked out of my brain completely. I almost ALMOST got out of bed to write this blog post in fear that it really would happen. But I was too tired.

Which comes to the main point and that is when someone loses their memory, how much of their memory do they lose? Does amnesia actually have a certain point in your life which is resets your brain to? A day, a year…maybe even a decade? If say it does reset a year of your life, all the things that you know about for example maybe in that year you learnt to swim or maybe you tasted a new cuisine that you really loved, all those things…would you forget about it? If you were thrown into the deep end of the pool would you indeed drown? Is it possible if you re-tasted the new food that you loved and you thought it was mediocre or disgusting?

Does amnesia trigger an entire personality change? Would I change from a passive and stubborn musician to an aggressive, hot headed, weight-crazed maniac? If I listened to the music collection I have, would I even like any of it? When you lose your memory does your opinion change completely or is just reset. That is to say, like an RPG, when you reset your brain do you continue the same story and earn the exact same things along the way or is it like having a blank piece of paper and when you draw on it something unexpected happens?

If I did lose my memory, would I still want to be friends with the people I am friends with now? If I lose my memory, would I still keep my composure or would I become temperamental? Could anyone still REALLY call me Garmon if that happened. It scares me. It really does.

##Pomplamoose##

I’ve often envied long journeys. I love a good film about some people travelling for whatever reasons. Though their situations are terrible I’ve still always envied them. They get by knowing no one and without a cell phone. They don’t grieve over material losses. They get by on necessity and they enjoy the simplest things to the fullest. Of course maybe not all physical journeys are like this but that is how it was in a film I saw called Kikujiro no Natsu. The movie hardly has any proper dialogue however excellent substituted by long awkward shots. These lengthy shots were intended to replicate still photographs but in film which the director dubbed ‘moving photographs.’ A very interesting use of technique though. I sat through two hours of it. And I really liked it. But I won’t recommend it. It’ll seem like a bore.

I take pride in watching films no one else watches. Maybe it’s because of my beliefs but I just really like it. Because I’m like that people usually get shocked when I haven’t seen certain movies. I think though if I watch a film a lot of people watch ill get affected by their comments and judgements pre-maturely and subconsciously. It happens to the best of us. I remember in high school I’d be talking about films to friends of mine and I’d always tell them that I’ve heard it’s good/bad. I never felt like I had an opinion on my own. Now in a discreet way I guess I do.

Anyways the two previous paragraphs build up to what I actually want to talk about. I’ve seen a couple of films this week which is more than I usually see in a month. One about life, one about honour and one about love. A mighty combination they are. After I saw them I almost fell into a depressed state. My life is truly dull. But then so is everybody else’s. How can someone hold the same job for so long? How are they motivated to wake up the same time everyday and do the same job everyday? I couldn’t even take a year of it. I was working in my uncles store today and a disgusting feeling overcame me. I could taste the staleness of a normal life. I keep slipping into one and I can’t help it. As I age so will my dreams. Maybe that’s why emos slit their wrists. To escape from the concept that life is a game of survival. I hate it. The idea sucks. The world is like a drunk wife-beating husband. It’ll never change no matter how much we try to help it change. Humanity was the plan and society was the backfire.

I found this today. I don’t know who wrote it-

i have moments where i cry and moments where i just sit and think. i have moments where i dance and moments where laugh. i have times where i fight with myself and others. i’ve always seen myself as right, never as in the wrong. i stare out of class at random moments at a time and when the teacher calls my name i reply with a rude comment like " WHAT!". i have imperfections that i and many others notice. i have friends but they’re not the ones you’d tell your secrets too. they’re fake and i know it, but i stay with them because i have nobody else. im alone. ive always have been. ive kept to myself my whole lifetime. when my mind expands, i regress to a childlike state. i play on the swings by myself, i run around trying to catch a butterfly, i ride a bike and i roll down hills. but im still alone. i dont mind it actually. you protect yourself from the outside world and you make sure you dont get hurt. you know you’re true to yourself and that happiness is only shared by you. but at times i do wish i could run up to my friends and just have a decent conversation, but that will never happen.

i jump into my own stories, drawings filled with imagination and life. a simple line will jump off the page and hit me in the eye. ill yell out a huge cry and people will give me an odd stare. my reality is their fantasy land. i stare at roads sometimes, the ones that have a bend but you cant quite see where until you keep driving on. i pretend im on a journey, slowly getting to my destination of death. i sound all okay before, but now im just cynical and i really should be left alone. i see the world moving along to fast, at a speed i cant quite get up to. im the person who gets last at running races and will never win the jackpot in lotto. i dont know who im writing this too, but somebody will soon find this piece of nothingness. something im not proud of, something i dont want to show. life reminds me of a running horse for some reason. they’re so gentle and magnificent. gentley galloping across the bushland, with their mane just flowing in the nice breeze. to me they’re leaving the abyss that is life.

my body eats me soul up. i fall into a cavity i cannot get out of. gravity holds me and as i try and break free, i end up wasting energy i should’ve kept to stay alive. i always thought people brought me down, instead it is i who brings myself down. it is i that disappoints others and in turn brings on failure upon my name. i cant cope very well in large environments. i like to feel accepted, i hate the feeling of unwantedness. i make up words at random to suit my needs. i jibber jabber on about something i dont even know, just to fill up the space that is silence. im a quiet person, but i hide my insecurities by being loud. otherwise im just loud because i just want to be. you know this much about me and you still don’t know everything. i hold secrets, like many others do, but these secrets can make or break somebody. i’ve told lies, so have others, but my lies are based on my genius of imagination. i make up things to get me out of bad situations, just so im protected from the hatred i’d gain if they were to find the truth. i lie. i have friends. im not alone, but i wrote that as a way to gain your attention. if i were to start off by saying im the luckiest person in the world, i dont think you would have read this far. 

i lead a sad life. the people around me say they love me but love is only a word. it has only a  certain meaning, once that meaning is used more than twice, love just loses its only meaning. i wonder what would happen if they found out the real me. they know the real me, but in a way i live in its shadows. i follow it around. i fluke things in life. i hate the fact i do. i should try but i know ill fluke it that i dont bother. i wonder when this magic of fluking will end. knowing me, right when i need my fluking genuis the most. i want this year to end. take me to a place where i havent made horrible mistakes i regret. but im tired now and i cant think straight. im a huge mess. i think im all set for life, but im not. i worry way too much about the future, that i dont enjoy my life now. i dont have my piorties right and when i do, they still arent right. i want to be a computer game character. then id be able to erase my adventure and restart the game again. 

Through sacrifice comes benefit. Maybe mine isn’t as dramatic as it seems but to me it’s definitely out of my comfort zone. So what happened? I moved my bed to my brother’s room. So much great disadvantages to that but I think it balances out with the good that will come from this. I won’t have a bed to sleep on in my room meaning I must always be standing or sitting. Without having anywhere to lie down I won’t laze about and sleep. My brothers room smells so majority of the time I will be in my room. I can finally get started on a lot of the things that I’ve wanted to get started on. It’s a brave…but a shit choice.

It’s the strangest feeling when you are fortunate enough to experience a smile explosion. What this is is when you are with some people at a restaurant or cafe or whatever and suddenly a group of people start singing happy birthday. Everyone will stop and watch and smile uncontrollably, sometimes even join in. I would compare it to the effects of fireworks…but I’ve never been out to see fireworks with other people. However it’s no doubt people will be all smiles at the dawning of a new year.

I don’t like this post…