Garmon The Musician’s Most Grand Adventure

It’s almost been a whole month since I’ve been on my mini-hiatus. Or at least, I’ll call it that now though at the time it wasn’t really. And even now I still don’t know what I want to write. I’ll guess I’ll keep writing what I can and hopefully trigger something that will allow me to regurgitate anything that I had wanted to write but kept forgetting to.

There are many random times that I have thought to myself, that I might die. It seems to be a very likely thing to me. People don’t take death for what it is a lot of the time. And though I don’t look in it in the face, I tend to stare at it from the corner of my eye. In my everyday life, I think of the craziest things that could happen to me and all of the possible ways I could die. One instance is when I was speaking to one Daniel Knight (lol Liz) and whilst helping him change some settings on his phone he stood very very very close to me. In my mind, I could see him pulling a short knife out of his bag and stabbing me a fair few times before running away. And he would leave me there to die…for no real reason. Just because he wanted me dead. This happens almost everyday at least once. I’ve mentioned the car bomb somewhere here on this blog somewhere before. But honestly I do feel that I’ll die before I hit 50. I’m an idiot and idiots get killed. And I feel that I’m just one of those guys that die. There isn’t a characteristic about me that tells me I’m going to die but I imagine how life would be after I do. People will be sad I guess, but it isn’t all too bad. At least I don’t have to deal with living.

Musically I’ve changed my direction temporarily. Right now I’ve been playing drums a lot. I stole my cousins drum kit so I could play around on it. And I’m starting to get a feel for it and I’m beginning to love it. It’s hard though, it really is. I can pull off a basic beat but once you get into the technical side of it, the timing and everything you really do start to appreciate how much effort is put into drumming from a drummer. It requires a perfect sense of rhythm and an insane amount of precision. The strength you put into hitting the drum counts for everything too. I think I’ll play drums for a bit longer, it should be fun.

At long last I am thinking of quitting. Once I get my guitar I’ll be able to quit so not long now. But before I do that I have to really really start saving. And it’s true what Liz says. I cannot save for shit. And I try but desire and greed get the best of me. Pride sometimes too. There have been a lot of instances where pride has robbed my savings. Forgetfulness struck once though mostly my money goes to unnecessary items. Such as umbrella swords. I can’t even shop for Christmas gifts. Though maybe it’s best I secure another job first before quitting my current job. I’m sick of always being in need of cash. It sucks.

From today I’m going to try and eat healthy. So this means no more McDonalds-esque food. This means properly cooked food. No more KFC and no more pizza. No more soft drinks. I’ll try to have at least one piece of fruit everyday and I should drink lots and lots of water for it is healthy. And I know my policy and that is ‘you only live once, so who cares really?’ but I think actually surviving that life through a healthy lifestyle counts for much more than becoming fat and unhealthy through a junk food lifestyle. 

Life is confusing. My mind is like a book with missing pages. Though I should know…I often don’t. And I guess that is what confuses me the most. I don’t know what I want and I don’t know how I feel but I know that I shouldn’t wander too far out. I’m treading water and that’s okay with me. Sometimes a ship already has a captain and I have no right to overthrow the captain. Because the captain goes down with the ship anyway. So I’ll just stay here where it’s safe and nobody gets hurt. Nobody gets hurt right?

Jamie Cullum - Don’t Stop The Music
MuteMath - Plan B 

 I haven’t had an urge to blog about anything lately. It seems like so much has happened that I can’t really catch up anymore. Or maybe I’ve become less miserable because I seem to only blog when I’m feeling like shit. But I suppose I never really wanted to write about what’s happening in my life. I started this blog only to see how I thought during the time I wrote this kind of stuff and mostly to be able to look back in retrospect and laugh. I’ve kind of lost track and sometimes I find I end up blogging about some kind of event or whatnot. I’m indecisive. And hypocritical. Whatever. 

I think you truly grow up when you don’t see the world as one big happy place and you see it for what it is. It happens when you look past fairytale endings and an idealistic way of living life. It happens when your life becomes a poem instead of a song. It happens when you give up trying to do things someone else’s way, when you just don’t give a fuck anymore. It happens when instead of looking at things from your own eyes, you look at yourself from a third perspective. You watch yourself eat and you watch yourself watch something else. But when you grow up…you lose your ability to appreciate things. And then things began to appreciate you less. And then you die lonely. 

The Last Word. 

I’ve always liked progress which is why I don’t tend to stick to a certain thing for too long. It’s probably one of the main reasons I like videogames so much. You can literally see your progress as you beat each level and each enemy. Your character grows and learns new abilities. If only this could be done in real life. If we were able to record our progress then life would be very different. It would be very interesting to know how many times you’ve peed in a lifetime or how many times you ate a certain food. We don’t have this yet though maybe we will in the future. However I’m not so sure if it’s a good idea or not. But returning to the point, when I don’t see progress I tend to feel like I’m not getting anymore experience. As a result I’ve given up on piano (sort of) and a couple of other things. Perhaps the worst of all of these is study and assignments. I only like to see the orientation and conclusion of assignments. When I’m in the middle of one I feel like I’m circling myself and getting more and more confused. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for study.

I think of all the things in the world I hate time and money. Time and money control the course of our lives 99% of the time. Without money we can go anywhere, we can’t do anything. We’re limited to ourselves. And time grants us no second chances as it steals our lives moment by moment. Time is always up and never down. As a result I’ve never been able to manage either of these two. Financially I’m not comfortable and I’m always late to everything. I’ve taken a lot of time to think about this and I think a good solution is to see maybe a financial panther or adviser. But I’m not sure if they do personal consults or anything like that. And for managing time effectively…well time is fine for me but maybe I should get motivated or something.

Australia is one of the worst places in the world. It’s comfortable to live here but the scene here is so dead. There is no inspiration. The city is beautiful…but it’s not a natural beauty. In my opinion Japan is the most inspiring place in the world. Everything in Japan is how I believe things should be. I dislike when people talk on the phone on trains ( although I did it this morning.) But just the amount of creative talent that is born unto Japanese people is absolutely phenomenal. I have not heard of any great Australian artists or designers. Maybe a few bands are good but that’s all. Inspire me. Amaze me. Please.

Technology is just a electrical representation of society. The more I think about it the more undeniable it becomes. Like the many different kinds of technology that we co-exist with, we are all suited to a certain one. Be it the television, the mobile phone, the laptop or a blender we are all differently made. Some made to be efficient others made to be pretty. Some made to be smarter and some made for more manual use. With technology we judge things based on looks and popularity, much like on society. In this case, the village prostitute is the iPhone. So much make-up it looks more of a doll than a human being.

I am a thinker. I like to overthink and overanalysise things. As such I do not go by anyone else’s word except my own. Which is probably why I tend to ignore opinions, advice and recommendations. And today I thought about the strangest thing. I’m always for looking at things in a birds eye view so i thought about looking at people in toilet cubicles from that perspective. Now, don’t view this as perversion because it’s not. Consider this: Do you use your mobile phone when sitting on the toilet? Because I know if three people walked into three separate cubicles to do their bidness, they would most likely take out their mobile phone and look at past images or messages (if they don’t have internet). It’s a very interesting thing. I’m just curious as to whether everyone does it or not.

I’ve been to Chatswood a couple of times but I’ve never actually strolled around sightseeing. At first it appears as a normal busy urban area but it’s actually quite interesting. I suppose you grow up in an area and nothing is worth takaing notice of but when you look at something in a way where you have no idea what it is, everything is different. It’s hard to explain. Sometimes when I’m not occupied with thinking or listening to music or talking on the phone I’m observing the world. Chatswood is by far the most interesting thing to me since Sydney. The range of food is obviously not as varietised as in the city but there are a number of enticing restaurants here such as Hinode. Thursdays is like Friday night markets except all day. In the little strip before the main road, there are stalls set up selling food among other things. And in the middle is a small group playing music. And the station design is nice too. It feels very postmodern and reminded me of Japan. You’d have to see it to understand my writing ability is poor and doesn’t really paint the picture. If I ever moved out I’d love to live in Chatswood. 

People Under The Stairs - The LA Song 

These last couple of weeks have been a blur. My memory, which isn’t exactly the best, fails to remember much. Details are hazy but I like where I’ve arrived. I like how things are right now, apart from work and my financial status. I don’t have much to complain about although there are so many things to say. But that’ll just be me repeating myself as I’ve found I had done in some previous posts.

Language is amazing. Next to music and Michelle it’s easily one of the most beautiful-est things in the world. Language is so complicated and I can’t believe how many there are right now. What’s more amazing is that even immediately around us there is a vast variety of languages being spoken. You don’t notice when you’re bi-lingual but when you’re only able to speak one language you see another language as something otherwordly. Amd I love listening to people speak it. I love it that I don’t understand a lick of what they’re saying yet the people who are speaking it have engaged in deep conversation. German, French, Japanese, Korean, and Spanish are the languages I find to be interesting. For some reason they just have status over Vietnamese, Arabic and Hindi (or whatever it is). Though sometimes I wish I could understand and be able to communicate in more than just broken Chinese and English.

Budgeting is hard to do. I have begun to feel the burden of being moneyless. I started working for myself at a young age. Would you believe at first I earnt $2.50 an hour working at my uncle’s tobacconist. As I grew older the pay began to rise but not very high. I’ve never known anything above $15 p/h. I’ve always had to earn my own money because my parents just would not give their money to me. Whenever I do ask for cash I’m always due for a lecture and I don’t deserve it. I don’t get no youth allowance either because my parents take that too. Apart from some school related payments and some expensive possessions my parents pretty much made me pay for myself. Which I find now has taught me how hard it is to earn money. But what I haven’t learnt yet is how easily money can be spent or used. I spend like it doesn’t matter, and while it might not now, it most definitely will sometime in the near future.

I’m not sure how much stress a person can deal with. I know when I’m faced with stress I end up just giving up because I don’t think I care enough. But with other people, it’s quite painful to see stress unfold. There is the matter that my cousin is facing and while I’m not going to sweat the details, I honestly don’t understand how much pressure he could possibly be under. Apparently he’s under so much that he feels the need to call up 20 people and just vent, vent, vent. A stressful life or a little overdramatic? Who knows. People deal with things in their own ways I suppose.

Nas, Alicia Keys, Rakim, Biggie - Real NY State Of Mind

The time when you think about nothing is the time when you come to the most significant conclusions. Sitting on the train thinking about my usual thoughts I realised I’ve been going against myself. I’m so used to eating safe I’m restricting my tongue from exploring. For me things happen in three or at least I don’t take notice until it happens three times. The first time has occured many times and the catalyst was none other than my Indonesian friend, Ibnu. For whatever reasons he always wants to try new things and I always hide behind familiar tastes. Everytime he tries something new it’d end up pretty terrible tasting or his service would such (eg the pie that was actually soup). Although I enjoyed my meal that evening I still think I should mix it up more. The second time was when Liz and I talked about our little blogging project. It was another push to tell me to try something different. The third time was when I tried it myself unknowingly. I find I’m always putting cheese in my instant noodles these days. I’m not sure if it’s some kind of a sick obsession or anything but everytime I make myself noodles I always put cheese on top. The cheese is terrible too. Friggin Kraft. Anyways, bottom line is always try new things. No matter if you’d rather something else. It’s affected me some already, trying that deluxe cheeseburger from McDonalds and that XL burger from Hungry Jacks. Even though it’s budgeting, it’s still something new.

Travelling through the city I’ve realised a lot of business people like to run. I’m not sure why. They just like to run down the street to catch a bus or a train or something. It just seems strange. I’ve also had a gander at revolving doors. What use is a revolving door? Does it stop clutter of sorts? Does it stop people from bumping into each other when they’re getting in and out. I can understand how it would work during peak hour when people are all trying to rush in or out but does it actually work. It looks stupid to me.

The electronic age is nearly upon us. On the bus I saw two girls (they didn’t know each other) both engaged with their mobile phones. It scares me that I’m actually one of those people too. No longer do I write things or just think, I look to my phone to cure my ‘boredom’. One day, will the rest of the world be like this? Furiously texting or loudly chattering, silently reading or heavily involved in gaming? This digital age makes face to face communication as the only means of proper communication primitive.

There was something else that dawned upon me. At the time it was an amazing revelation but it sucks now that I’ve actually forgotten what it is. Well anyway, I’m hungry…I’ll go try something new.

Since I posted ‘Parachute’ as Gintoki via the Blackberry I can’t edit it. Well I can but the process would take reasonably longer. So I’ll just repost the song ‘She is love’ here. I’ll also throw in some more songs that I’ve been loving over the recent days of not blogging.

Parachute - She Is Love 

Base Ball Bear - 神々LOOKS YOU (Kamigami Looks You) 

Bloc Party - One More Chance

Five For Fighting - Chances 

Takahashi Hitomi x BEAT CRUSADERS - Wo Ai Ni

Muse - United States Of Eurasia 

Parachute - She (For Liz) 

Mutemath’s Armistice: Download here. 
After searching forever I managed to find the hidden track that only people who bought the album off of iTunes could score. The track name is Architecture. Download that here.

Life is full of complications but the biggest problem one person can have is with another person. The second most impactive complication is oneself. As emo as this comment will sound I find no one is truly able to understand me. But then I don’t think I can truly understand someone else. We’ve all got different IMEIs and our own little glitches even though we may be the same make and model. We all have different features, some with higher camera quality some with lots of storage space. At best we can just judge it by it’s features. Though we’ll never be able to fix those small unnoticeable glitches.

It is the beginning of Spring and the weather is way too hot for me. I now realise why I love Winter so much. I do however like those sunny but windy days. I think that’s my favourite kind of weather. I do also kind of like rainy days but onlu when I’m indoors with nothing to do.

More than ever nowadays I want to be in a band. I know I always keep saying that but I just feel so culturally retarded. If I’m not someone how goes clubbing, drinking or gambling where does that leave me? So many people question and joust how I am about my nightlife. As far as I’m concerned I don’t really need.a nightlife but everyone, and I mean everyone I’ve talked to about it, thinks I’m crazy for not having one. They thought I was crazy without a licence. But they’re the crazy ones. Anyways, that was a tangent. The main point I’m trying to get at is trying to figure out who I am. I don’t want to be the wet blanket. I do enjoy having fun but I just don’t have the luxury or the will to want to stay out late. So maybe I’ll just join a band and play in pubs at night. I don’t know. All I know is that I want to be doing something with my nights. I don’t want to look back in retrospect and be like ‘yeah when I was younger, at nught I’d be on msn and have heaps of convos with everyone!’ You tell me how accomplished that’ll sound.

Just recently I’ve realised that I’m actually a pretty hateful person. I’ve always just kept it inside. I’m beginning to hate anything and everything. Although I find hate a strong word I must say no other words suit how I feel towards certain things. Most of what I hate have to do with people though because man, humanity and society is fucked up. Maybe I just want a reason to stand for because if this world changed into what I wish people could be, this would be a boring place.

I blogged on the Blackberry but youtube this song. It’s already pretty mainstream but this is the kind of pop that makes popular music pop.
Parachute - She Is Love

P.S. Actually while I’m at it I might as well blog about Animania.
It was cool because I got in free and I was dressed up as Sakata Gintoki. Photos are up on facebook but yes overall it was a fun experience. Met up with Lamah and was lucky enough to be a model. I must say though he has a lot of photography experience and he made me feel so unprofessional when he was taking shots. I’m not cut out for modelling anyway. I can’t even take compliments well. At any rate I was a fun experience overall and by far better than last years.

P.P.S. These days I’ve been running pretty much on empty. I get a lack of sleep but I don’t want to sleep in because seriously it’s a waste of time, no matter how it feels. I may feel otherwise during Winter when it’s cold out and I just wanna curl up in my warm bed but yeah, the sun shines right onto my face at 7:30 every morning. I don’t necessarily get up then, but I am quite awake. Though later in the day I pretty much take a nap whenever I get the slightest chance. Anyways, I’ll update this more often. This blog shouldn’t be neglected. Also wondering if I should start blogging on a new blog site next year. Time will definitely tell.

…if I were a mobile phone I’d probably be an X1. Because looks are deceiving and although I can do a lot of stuff, it’s not very efficient plus it’s quite sluggish too. And it looks nice…sort of. But in essence it’s just a crap phone. I wouldn’t buy it.

Everywhere I walk I seem to imagine how it would look covered in a snow. These winter wonderlands I imagine look amazing in my mind but I wonder how it would look if it truly happened. The main places I first imagined it were at my university campus and on one of the streets I walk to get home. I’d like to live somewhere that snows during winter. But by then I’d be too old to participate in snow fights. I’ve always envied American childhood. I missed out on trick-or-treating, playing catch with my dad, having snow fights with my next door neighbour and having prom in the school gymnasium or auditorium. And these are things that I can’t relive.

The more you look the more you see. But there are sometimes when you look too hard that you overlook what everyone else sees. But maybe you felt too proud to care that everyon else saw it because you’ve looked more than they have. But when you finally take a break, you usually are able to see what everyone else sees. That the tv remote had been lodged in between the cushions of the couch. You were too busy sitting on it-

It seems I can never find the time at home to do my assignments for uni let alone blog about things. Perhaps it’s the absence of a table where I can do my work on. Man Redfern is a depressing stop. Everyone is going to Animania! I’m excited baha. Sunday!!

Nothing I say ever seems to stick. All those that time spent planning and setting out some goals for me to achieve has gone to waste. I haven’t gone through with any of it being attending every single lecture or doing uni work as soon as I get home. Perhaps I should buy some cardboard and then write all that I should and must do with a thick ass texter. Maybe then I won’t forget it all or at least somehow pretend that I never said anything like that.

A lot of people seem to question how I am with a family, how I can consider myself family to them if I don’t appear as affectionate. Well to them I say, we all love each other but don’t know how to show it. I’ve never known how a family is supposed to work. Is it a normal family thing to engage in the everyday ‘Oh, how was your day?’ or must we always hug each other upon departure? Is that how a normal family is or is that just television fucking with our minds? No, there is no staple way of being a family. What is family othen than a handful of people bound by blood relation and legalities? Well I don’t know. All I know is that no matter how close I can be to a friend, no matter how many hugs or hard times we have, no matter how many laughs and no matter how many times I see them, I’ll always love my family more and unconditionally. Why? Because I know they’ll do the same back.